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December 4, 2012 / Mettā Reiki Center

A Year Ago

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A year ago, I was sitting next to an isolette, listening to the chimes of monitors that were making sure the machines were keeping my baby girl alive.
Today, I’m snuggled in my chair, watching my baby girl string toys from one end of the room to another, cruising along the couch, listening to the music of wind chimes outside.

A year ago, every minute felt like ten years. Today I have to make sure I don’t blink because time is flying.

A year ago, I was praying for a kind nurse who would take the time it required to juggle all of the equipment and tubes so I could hold my daughter for a few precious minutes. Today I look forward to my morning coffee, because it always comes with a little tug on the back of my skirt, followed by that goofy grin and “pick me up, Mommy!” coo.

A year ago, we prayed that her little tummy could tolerate a half ounce of food through a feeding tube. Today, I’m offering her homemade cookies, hoping that her discriminating palate won’t propel them back at me in disgust.

A year ago, our hearts sank as her oxygen levels dropped when they tried to take her off the breathing machine because her lungs were too weak. Today we are awakened from a dead sleep by her strong, healing lungs.

A year ago, we bathed her as fast as we could under a warmer so she could go back on a breathing machine and her body temperature could recover. Today, she splashes endlessly in the tub, squealing and giggling as we blow bubbles at her, and quite frankly she despises wearing clothes. Especially socks.

A year ago, we prayed to feel that tiny hand squeeze our finger. Today, we’re waiting with baited breath for her to start walking on her own.

A year ago we wondered if we would ever see our precious baby smile. Today we enjoy more smiles and giggles than we probably deserve, and can’t get enough of them.

A year ago we couldn’t get her too close to the window because her eyes weren’t developed enough to handle the sunlight. Today, she goes outside all the time. Yes, she closes her eyes, but it’s when a breeze crosses her face, and it comes with a smile.

A year ago, our hearts were filled with fear, guilt and frustration. Today they stay full of excitement, joy, and pride in our baby girl and how far she’s come.

Thank God “a year ago” is just that – a year ago. I wouldn’t trade today for anything in the world.

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